


Acceptance: A Reylo Story

by Lindalove



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Weekly Challenge, Reylofest, Tumblr: reylo-sin-anthology, Tumblr: reylofanfictionanthology, savebensolo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindalove/pseuds/Lindalove
Summary: A year after the Battle of Crait, Ben appears to be a changed man. Rey and Ben get together  - but then it all unravels.Will things get back on track as the galaxy unravels around them? Or has been Ben been lying all along?Written to show that perhaps a pregnant Rey isn't a bad thing.... and could be pretty cool when it comes to The Force.I've written some of this, but will continue if people like.Mature, but classy. (I hope). Smut fairly early on...





	1. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets some surprising news.

Rey looked at the hologram slowly rotating before her eyes and blinked.

“What am I looking at again?” she asked the medial droid as it fussed around her, one arm holding hers as it took a painless blood sample, and the other scanning her wrist for god-knows-what. But the droid just bleeped, and raised an antenna to signal she’d get no answers yet.

The hologram of her interior silently continued to circle, looking like a mass of unidentifiable ropes and bags to her untrained eyes.

Rey sighed, set her jaw, and pushed back into the white chair in the Resistance’s HQ medical bay. The droid bleeped, annoyed at her constant wriggling. She was impatient to get out of here, and get back to her friends. Once again, the Resistance was preparing itself for another change of HQ, as it continued to move its operations around the Outer Rim. Rey didn’t want to be here - she wanted to be out there, packing and rallying the troops. Readying to face _him_ again.

But Poe had been adamant - close to paranoid in fact - after what happened to Leia. So when she offhandedly complained of a mild headache, he was taking no chances. “Get it checked out. That’s an order.” He hadn’t need to say anymore. _I can’t lose anyone else._

Rey sympathised, but she knew - much as Poe had - that nothing could have saved Leia from the radiation poisoning she’d suffered that past year. She’s floated for just moments in the cold airlessness of space…. but those moments had been enough to set her on a slow decline towards the inevitable.

 _I’m here, because Poe is grieving,_ she thought. _As well he might._

Things had been tough these past few years.

To start with, things seemed to be going to go as expected. Enough of the right people had seen what had happened on Crait and had finally shaken off their lethargy and offered some help. They surmised that the new Supreme Leader was going to be no better than the last, if not worse, and death and destruction would remain the order of the day. Time for the Resistance to become the Rebellion...

But just as they’d started to prepare for the game, it became obvious that somehow, the rules had changed. Later of course, they realise they hadn’t. But… Rey sighed. It had been a long road from then to here.

For a long time after Crait, no-one heard any news of the First Order fleet. It was as if they had literally disappeared from the face of the galaxy. Rey was tempted, on occasion, to reach out and find him. Kylo, the man to which she seemed to be bonded by the Force, for good or ill. But she was afraid, she realised.

Afraid at what she might find, but also…. also…

_What she might wake._

She’d been so convinced he would turn, after he had cut his master down. She remembered how smoothly they’d both moved together just moments afterwards, his back to hers as they fought Snoke’s Praetorian Guard. _It was as if we were the same person_ , she recollected, and then, her mind wandered to the more recent past.

Her cheeks burned, and she pushed the memories away. _It never happened, It wasn’t your fault._

“Madame Rey.” the medical droid burbled, in an officious tone she imagined it considered suitable for whatever it was about to say. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yes, Med- Three?”

“Were you aware you are currently gestating twinned foetus, that are exactly eight weeks in development?”

Rey opened her mouth, but could speak no words.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey closed the door of her quarters back on the Falcon, and sat down heavily on her bed. 

She could feel a tightness begin to grip her stomach, and then reach up along her long neck towards her jaw. She was aware that her breathing had started to shorten, as her feelings started to overwhelm her. She started to gasp.

Her mind, realising and reacting to her rising terror, started to spiral.  _ I mustn’t be afraid, _ she thought.  _ If I am.. He might feel it. He might come.  _

_ He mustn’t come.  _

She clamped her mouth shut and started to draw a long, smooth breath through her nose in an attempt to balance herself. Then gently, she then released it, working hard to regulate herself and allow the feelings to pass through. After a moment, the terror subsided. And in the space it created, she scrambled to gather her thoughts.

_ How could this happen?  _  Sh e asked. But as soon as she had asked it, she knew the answer. 

The Force. 

That, and the fact that she’d shared a bed with her mortal enemy but two months ago, in this very room. She had felt him move alongside her, inside her, and she had met every movement with an open heart. But it had been a lie. He had lied. And now she felt shame, fear… but worse than that. Heartbreak. 

_ It’s the Darkness _ , she thought.  _ What does it want with me? And what have I done?  _

She threw herself down on the bed, and started to sob.

“I’m an idiot,” she cried, stifling her cries as she thought back to that day, two months ago.

* * *

 

The weather on Naboo had been uncharacteristically cold and wet, on the day of Leia’s funeral. 

It had been as if the universe itself had been unable to fathom the loss of such a titan, such a character, and made its own grief known. 

Certainly the Force was at a low ebb, Rey realised. As she stood at the gates of the Naboo cemetery, she had felt the weight of everyone’s grief as they stood around her, quietly forming their own scattered groups. She heard not just their whispered memories, but could almost feel the raw threads of their loss, as if each of them had lost a limb, and with it their sense of balance.

Amidst their grief was another emotion. Fear. They were all waiting for the one person they hadn’t wanted to invite. 

Kylo Ren.

“No!” Poe’s first reaction had been close to violent when they’d discussed inviting the new self proclaimed Emperor. “He’s a murderer. Despite his  _ words _ , he can’t change that. He’s not welcome.” Rey had looked at the pain etched into Poe’s face, and felt a wave of compassion. She understood, of course. But she also understood what was right. 

“She was his mother,” she said. “I think she would have wanted us to ask. And if we do, our duty is done. I mean, he won’t come. He still wouldn’t dare.” The others had nodded, after a while. But again, how wrong they’d been. 

Kylo Ren had re-appeared to the universe a year previously. He had emerged, with a gargantuan army, from the mists of the Unknown Regions. The galaxy, that had started to perhaps believe The First Order was never returning, held its breath. And it had continued to hold its breath as he had announced his intention to speak at the recently reformed New Republic’s Senate. While he had been gone, the remnants of democracy had started to rebuild itself, linking together those planets that still believed such a thing was worthwhile. 

“We’re no longer a military operation,” he’d announced in a booming voice to the assembled masses, as his own Dreadnought hung heavy in orbit overhead, surrounded by fleets of TIEs. He stood, dressed as ever in long black robes, his pale face still marked by a sliver of silver scar, but also a streak of black beard that made him look both older and more refined. 

There was nothing but silence, as the Senate waited to hear more. 

“I apologise for the previous Leader’s actions during the War,” he continued, to shocked and unbelieving ears. But his voice was calm, and measured. “We only wish now for the constant battle between Order and Democracy to end. We seek to live alongside the Republic, working with those who need our help and support. To build a renewed Empire of planets keen to build a new, different future. One defined by hard work, technological superiority... and _hope_.”

The Senate had immediately exploded into cacophony. Many voiced accusations that at any moment, great swathes of white Stormtroopers would suddenly appear and kill them all. Others, their memories returning to loved ones lost, yelled in outrage. But a few simply sat, and listened.

As quickly as he had arrived, Ren then left, gathering his Knights around him like dogs at heel. Within moments he had returned to his massive ship overhead, and then simply left. Rey, who had watched all from light years away, placed her fingers on the viewscreen. 

_ Was this really the same man she knew?  _

“It’s a lie,” said Poe, as they all huddled around the fire. “We stay hidden. We keep fighting.”

But then, things started happening. Months later, a planned Resistance attack on an Empire reconnaissance squadron was simply… ignored. The pilots dodged the attack, and swiftly retreated, as they were manservants bowing politely to wild, drunken lords. 

Then, three months ago came news that the Empire had created a new land-side headquarters on the mining planet Cerbera. This inhospitable globe was well known for being potentially rich in gems but inadequately resourced to mine them. 

Cerbera’s people were sickly, as they were slowly being poisoned by their own atmosphere. They also used the most basic tools and systems to extract what value they could from their hard, ice bound planet, as the little riches they did have were spent defending themselves from pirates and smugglers. 

The question of whether to help the Cerberan people had been under debate for two years in the Senate.

Then came the visuals. Whereas before there had been starvation and deprivation, a galaxian news report now showed domed environment houses for the populations, and mining technologies installed. A medical unit had been set up to treat the sickly, and furthermore the workforce now included the extremely strange sight of Stormtroopers without their helmets, working alongside the locals in a bid to gather riches. Incredibly, the Empire had also built a school.

“It’s robbery,” snarled Poe, as he watched the reports roll in. Emperor Ren stood alongside the Planet’s president, looking for all the world more like a politician and businessman, than a former mass murderer. Rey had watched, saying nothing as Ren’s brown eyes seemingly reached towards hers from out of the screen. 

_ Please.  _

“They take 50% of the spoils, I heard,” said Finn. “I guess it’s better the Cerberans get 50% of a lot than 100% of very little….”

Poe’s face had turned white with fury. “It’s exploitation,” he continued.

“But better than death,” Rey had mused, quietly. 

Rey loved democracy and knew she would die for the rights for all men to have their voices heard. But she also knew that the Senate had always been terrible acting decisively in an emergency, and the Cerberans had absolutely been close to death. Wasn’t it exactly that indecisiveness that had caused Leia to leave, finally? That exasperation? 

Leia had said nothing, already far too sick to speak, as she lay in the med bay intensive care bed. But Rey had seen a glimmer in her eyes when she watched the news reels. A faint spark of hope. But she’d not survived to see any more. But it had been that glimmer in her eye that had finally prompted Rey to invite Kylo to that rainy day on Naboo.

Rey had decided, since their last Force connection on Crait, that she could do nothing more for the mercerical, angry man she knew as Kylo Ren. She had believed in him once, felt compassion -  once - but she had decided then and there that it was no longer her place to help him turn against the Dark side. He had to do it himself.

She hadn’t expected much from him, after Crait. But she had to admit, she was now intrigued. He certainly looked different, spoke well, and his new intentions seemed clear. But was it truth, or a manipulation? 

“She’d have wanted me to find out,” she said later to Poe, who was still seething that Ren had accepted their invitation to Leia’s Jedi cremation ceremony. “Has he really changed?”

“Okay,” said Poe. “Just keep him away from me.”

* * *

 

On that rainy day on Naboo, the Emperor had arrived, alone, save for one lone Knight of Ren. His black hawk-like command shuttle landed gently alongside The Falcon, and with a hiss of hydraulics its ramp revealed him to the waiting crowds of Resistance troops, Senators, war generals and Elder nobles. 

Dressed in a long robe with high collar that framed his narrow face, he managed to look both severe and regal. But he emanated power. Rey had started to feel the low pulse of his energy as he came into orbit, and as he now stood before her, he positively shimmered within the Force.

His emotions, she noticed, still churned beneath this new exterior. But the churn was more distant, slower, more controlled - more  _ unreachable _ . There was no fear, only determination.

If he noticed her, he did not show it. Instead, he moved gracefully between the now-silent, parting crowd, eventually taking a seat alongside one of the Republic’s oldest Senators, who visibly shook with fright as Ren lowered his large frame into a waiting chair. Then, the ceremony began.

They all watched as the fire was lit, and Leia’s tiny body was returned to the atmosphere, and back - they all believed -  to Han, and Luke.

Hours later she searched for him, her feelings reaching out to sense his proximity, and found him standing alone on the edge of the Naboo forest. He was speaking, quietly, to two nobles she didn’t recognise as his Knight stood silently by. The Knight had removed her helmet, revealing a handsome face and long auburn hair. Rey watched from a distance, as slowly the nobles moved away, leaving Kylo standing alone, though never far from his lonely warden. 

Momentarily, he turned and faced her, as if he had known she was waiting for him.

As their eyes locked she felt the surrounding world blur from view. She could only see his deep brown eyes, staring back - firstly with a calm determination, but momentarily she felt a familiar turbulence. It was as if he was for the first time choosing to lower his defences - that it was something he was now able to do. Suddenly she felt a wave of grief and pain, and then noticed with shock that tears were forming in his eyes. She saw him visibly take a breath, to steady himself. 

Slowly, he started to move towards her, and as he stepped closer she started to sense the same vulnerability and fear that she had always felt in him. Something however…. Something else was missing, or much subdued. As she realised, she felt a surge of relief. 

“The anger,” she said to him, as he stood before her, looking down at her lips. “It’s gone.”

His eyes moved back to hers, and searched deeply into her face. Not for the first time, she felt a sense of almost overwhelming discomfort rise within her. She felt a magnetism, but once which both urged her to lean towards him and also lean away. She wondered if he could sense it. 

“Rey,” he said, quietly, in his low, soft voice. “Tell me. Why.. why you didn’t just kill me when you had the chance.”

Her mind reached back to the moment she had stood over him in Snoke’s Throne Room, after Anakin’s lightsaber had shattered into two. She had woken first, and stood watching his chest rise and fall as she had considered this very question. 

“Because your life isn’t mine to take,” she replied, as calmly as she could. 

He looked at her for a little while longer, before he turned his head away. 

“Then perhaps you should tell your Resistance friends that. They still want to kill me.”

“Perhaps because the last time they saw you, you were pointing a siege cannon into their faces,” she replied, perhaps too quickly. 

“Ah,” he replied. “You still don’t trust me.”

“A few announcements and a Cereban treaty isn’t going to erase years of bloodshed and murder,” she replied, simply. 

Suddenly, he lowered his head and a rush of conflicting emotions passed across his face. She expected him to choose to go with a snarl, and bear his teeth. But instead, his face collapsed. She watched in shock as his tears start to flow freely down his long face. He reached up and pushed back a lock of his long, raven hair. 

She had an urge to touch him. She resisted. 

“My mother,” he said, his voice suddenly thick with grief and regret. “Is that also what she believed?”

“It was too early for forgiveness,” Rey replied, gently. “But - it wasn’t too early for her to hope.”

For a moment, they stood together, saying nothing. A gentle breeze started to graze her cheek, and slowly the surrounding world started to return to her. 

“Thank you,” he said, quietly.

She looked around, and noticed two familiar figures watching her from across the meadow. Poe, and Finn.

She turned back to Kylo, but noticed his eyes had followed hers. He too was regarding the two men, but his face was now controlled again, and impassive.

“So what do you want with me, Jedi?” he asked, still looking at her friends, but asking her. 

“To look into your eyes and know the truth,” she said. “To know if you really are serious about the end of the war. And to know why, and what’s changed.”

He dragged his eyes back to hers, and raised an eyebrow. 

“You owe me,” she said, finally. “You may have killed Snoke, but you’d never have taken the Guards on your own.”

“Very well,” he said, after a moment. “But I’m not talking in the rain,” and nodded towards the Falcon, quietly waiting for them on the horizon.

* * *

 

 

 


	2. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo Ren take to the Falcon to discuss their differences, and how to end the War. 
> 
> But negotiations come to an abrupt halt as the Force Bond overwhelms them both, pulling them together.
> 
> Smut chapter.

As Rey and Kylo walked together towards the Falcon, Rey became aware of Poe’s eyes boring into her back. Just as they reached her careworn, battered freighter, she spun around to find him panting, having clearly just run across the meadow to grab her attention before she boarded.

Kylo’s Knight was also drawing near, her eyes sparking with a wry amusement as she watched the Resistance pilot draw near.

“Rey!” Poe shouted, his face flushed, “What the hell are you doing? This is the guy that killed Han Solo, remember? I can’t let you talk to him alone.”

“Poe,” she said, quietly. “We discussed this. Please, it’s in all our interests.”

“But the moment he gets you on that ship, he might kill you. You’re one of the last Jedi. You’re a threat.”

“Even if I  _ could _ kill her,” said Kylo, interrupting the dark-haired pilot, “Which is doubtful - _based on experience_ \- I wouldn’t be planning to do it on my father’s old ship, on the day of my mother’s funeral.” His eyes bored into Poe’s with a raw intensity. 

“Said the man who murdered his own father,” replied Poe, his voice thick with venom. “So excuse me if I don’t quite buy your story of familial respect.”

Ren set his jaw, and started to reach into his cloak, his other hand opening into surrender.  “Then perhaps you’d be happier if I did this.” He offered the hilt of his lightsaber to Poe. 

“Take it,” he continued, “And follow us if you want to,  _ flyboy, _ but remember if anyone cuts us down, you’ll be killing both the Emperor, and one of your own. The same goes for my people. I’ll be back for the saber - and Mara - in a few hours.” 

He nodded towards his Knight, who turned and stared impassively at Poe, before raising an arched eyebrow. She slowly looked Poe up and down, before giving yet another wry smirk. Mesmerised, Poe stared back, and took the lightsaber into his hand.

* * *

 

As the Falcon rose up into a low orbit, Rey looked across at Kylo as he sat in the copilot’s seat. It was surreal to see him sitting there, because as she saw it, she could also see his memory of seeing Chewie sitting in the same spot, as he flew with his father as a young boy. 

“Where do you want to go?” she said, feeling, she realised now, intense discomfort to be left alone with him in such intimate quarters as the Falcon’s cockpit. 

“Nowhere,” he replied, almost lazily, gazing out at the changing landscape below him. “Set it on autopilot, then let’s pour a drink.” As he spoke, he pulled a small golden flask from within his cloak, and set in on the Falcon’s control dash.  

Rey flicked a switch, picked up the flask and moved out of the cockpit. Then she walked down towards the centre of the freighter towards the living quarters. She grabbed a couple of tumblers from the galley, and sat down at the holochess table. Slowly she poured a couple of glasses of the amber liquid, her nose wrinkling at its acrid smell.

“Whyren’s Reserve,” muttered Kylo, who had now followed her out from the cockpit, and now stood over her, his hair still damp from the Naboo rain. “My father would have wrestled a bantha, once, for a crate of this. He always said one bottle alone was worth more than Falcon, back when it was actually operational.”

“She’s still operational,” retorted Rey. “She might not look like much….”

“ _But she’s got it where it counts_ ,” repeated Kylo, and lowered his eyes. 

He then also sat, and grabbed his tumbler, swirling its contents a few times before swallowing them in a single gulp. He then signed, and raised his eyes to look around him, his face flickering with emotions as his eyes drank in his father’s old ship. 

“She’s junk,” he said. “But it’s actually….good to see her.”

Abruptly, he stood up. She watched him pace like a panther, towards the corner of the room. He reached out grab a small white globe that rested on a pile of blankers in the corner of the room. He eyed the globe, curiously. 

“You want to know the truth,” he said, his back still towards her, his shoulders gently rising and falling with each breath. “Well the truth is, that I’m tired of war. I’m tired of fighting.”

He placed the globe back where he found it.

“When I was a child, the simple things - spending time with my mother, spending time with my  _ father _ \- were denied me. Because of a pointless war in which neither of us can ever actually win. Even if you kill the troops, they’re still people that believe. You can’t stop them believing. And so, it never ends.”

He turned then, and reached up to remove his cloak. It fell from his shoulders, and he caught it with one black gloved hand, before he hung it from one of the many storage hooks overhead. 

He moved so easily, and so automatically, Rey could almost see back though time to when he had flown on this ship with the man she knew as Han Solo. She tried to imagine him - a small dark haired boy, with intense, chestnut eyes - playing Dejarik in this very room as his father had made yet another deal over drinks, shaking hands and sipping on a pipe. 

It seemed hard to reconcile that image with the one she had seen on Starkiller Base. That same boy, now a man, pressing his lightsaber into his father’s chest, his eyes burning with pain and desperation as his father’s hand gently stroked his son’s cheek. She felt a shiver go down her spine. 

Instantly, his eyes flicked to rest on her face. 

“You’re afraid,” he said, simply. Sadly. 

“I don’t want to fight either,” she said, quietly. “But I also need to  _ believe  _ we can live another way _. _ ”

“I understand,” he replied. “But you don’t need to hear me say it, do you? You’re welcome to just look inside. Feel what I feel. You can see the truth.  _ Take whatever you want. _ ”

Rey said nothing, but her eyes widened at his offer. She could feel once again a rising vulnerability in him, a shadowed by fear. But whereas she knew she could look further, deeper inside, she also felt herself hold back. 

_ It’s the Darkness, _ she thought to herself.  _ I fear it too.  _

She stood up, and changed the subject. But his eyes continued to rest on hers. Knowing. 

“Where’s Hux?” she asked, suddenly. “He seems to be very ...absent.”

Kylo’s face darkened, momentarily. “He’s doing what I ask of him. But please. Rey. Let’s not play games. Either you want to know everything, or you don't. Please don’t waste my time.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, quietly, but again she felt a spike of fear grip her chest as he spoke. She had forgotten this side of him. When tested, he was like a dog with a bone. Tenacious.  _ He wants something, too,  _ she thought. 

“You need to  _ listen _ ,” he said. “I  _ need _ you to believe things can change. You’re perhaps the only one who can.” He moved back towards her then, drawing close enough so she had to tip her head back to still look into his face.  

“But for us to really talk, I also need you to be honest with me,” he continued, his voice lowering to almost a whisper. “I can feel there’s so much within you you want to share. But you continue to hold back.  _ Please _ . Let go. I won’t hurt you.”

Rey felt tears spring into her own eyes, suddenly. His entreaty, as ever, had cut right through to her heart. 

On Jakku, she had wanted, so many times, for someone to reach out for her, to ask her to show her real self. She’d been so lonely, and she knew instinctively that his offer came from exactly the same place.  _ Let me see you, _ he was asking.  _ And please, see me.  _

“I’m afraid,” she said, her voice trembling as she spoke. “I can’t do as you ask.”

“Why not?” he asked, and started to pull off a glove. 

_ He’s going to touch me _ , thought Rey, Her heart started to race, and she felt her body tense. 

“Because I can’t… I can’t reach you the way you want me to. I can’t go there.” She raised a hand. “And please… don’t make me.” 

“But why not?” he asked again, and this time his own voice also started to tremble. His face drew even closer. He smelt of damp leather, and expensive soap. 

“ _Why not_?” she cried, and started to sob, openly. “Because of Han! You killed your own father. I watched you. You chose to do it. Just like you chose to try and kill me and my friends of Crait. And all the other countless people you murdered over the years.  _ I can’t reach into that _ . I can’t know that. I can’t understand or forgive that. It’s impossible.”

She saw in that moment his heart start to break. His face rippled with waves of pain at her words, and his lips trembled. Rey felt a great maw of blackness open up again within him, and there, at its very centre, she saw the boy he once was, all those years ago. Still broken, and still lost. Momentarily, a flare of anger surged in him.

Instinctively, she reached out and grabbed his hand. Whether it was to comfort him or protect herself, she wasn’t sure. But as she did the same magnetism she had felt earlier came back, but even stronger. She was gripped with the urge to pull him towards her, to hold him against her, to remove the pain that arched through him like slashing blade.

His anger started to subside at her touch, just as his breathing started to quicken, and she immediately regretted her decision to hold him. As they touched, a premonition flashed into her mind. She saw his hand, fingers splayed, pressing into the naked skin at the small of her back. She gasped. 

“No,” she said, and pushed him away. But his touch had reawakened something in her, something that called to her. She could feel his desire for her now, strong and urgent. 

This wasn’t new. She had felt it before, in the lift, then in the Throne room.  But this time, she could recognise, and feel her own for him. Her stomach turned.

“I don’t understand,” he said, quietly. She felt for him, expecting the anger to return at her rejection, and their circle to begin again. But she was surprised that his anger stayed subdued. Somehow, he was controlling it. Was it his own efforts, or because of hers?

He snapped her back to the present. “You say you don’t want me,” he was continuing, “But I can _feel_ how much you do. Why, why are you denying what even the Force knows to be true? That we must be  _ together. _ ”

“Because I don’t understand how you could have  _ chosen _ that path!” she suddenly shouted, her own rage suddenly blooming in her chest. Her heart continued to pump, causing her to catch her breath. She felt dizzy at the rising emotion, and leaned back against the holochess table. 

“No,” he said, and his eyes narrowed. “ _ You _ lie. You  _ do _ understand it. And that’s what scares you. Because perhaps, given other circumstances, you may have walked the same path. I see the darkness in you! A shadow, in the light. Don’t deny it! It’s the tie that keeps us together. Embrace it. I was so afraid of my light.. for so long. But its the light that shines my way to _you_.”

“No!” she shouted, and reached for her tumbler. With a crash, she threw the glass past Kylo’s face, leaving it to shatter against the wall. 

Kylo didn’t flinch. “Let me tell you something,” he said, his voice strengthening now. “Let me tell you about a boy. A strange boy, who idolised his father and worshipped his mother. But who struggled to manage his feelings, his desires. A boy who was never listened to,  _ not  _ because his parents didn’t care, but because of a war that consumed their hearts and minds. A war that if they hadn’t created, they still sought to continue. A war they knew, in their hearts, could never be won, but one they still had to fight. Because it had to  _ win  _ _the argument_. Prove their superiority.”

He stepped closer to her again, but he was careful to raise his hands, she noticed, mimicking surrender. He was trying very hard, she realised, not to scare her.  _ He wants to be heard. _

“Do you need to win? Right here? Right now? Because I don’t,” he said, his eyes now searching hers. “I’ve failed, so many times. I’ve failed to make the right choices. I failed to recognise manipulation when it masqueraded as  _ acceptance _ . And Rey, I needed some acceptance. But I was wrong. So  _ wrong _ .” 

As he spoke, he closed his eyes, and she felt the authenticity of his regret and pain. It churned, and burned, within him, but she realised that he was no longer trying to fight it. He was  _ living _ with it. Living with what he had done.  _ Living, and feeling, the murder of his father. _ She found it unimaginable.   

“Han,” he said, speaking his name, “Woke me up. But you. _You_. Gave me a direction.” His eyes suddenly opened, and he reached out to place a hand gently against her waist. “So now, I can stand here - and push against my fear and anger - and tell you, I am at  _ near to peace _ with my mistakes. And I am trying  _ so _ hard, Rey, but I know I cannot swear won’t make them again. At least, not without you. I need you. So if you can’t  _ forgive _ my past, can you at least  _ accept _ it, and to help me protect the future from a constant, pointless war? Because I don’t want to win. Build your Republic, if you want to. I just want to live in a way that makes sense to me.”

Rey looked into his eyes, and felt the world disappear again. She could only see his face, the face of the man she had feared and hated, and now, she knew, she wanted and cared for.  _ He’s trying so hard _ , she thought. 

“Rey,” he said.

She caught her breath. “Don’t say it….”

“I  _ love  _ you.”

“Ben..”

“And I need to help me to stay.. balanced. There’s still so much doubt in my heart… my mind. I’ve done so much this past year… to show you. To try and prove it to myself… and to you. But I can’t do it alone. I can’t…..”

Rey felt as if her heart would burst. Almost instinctively, she moved towards him and pressed her lips to his.

* * *

It was all he needed. Immediately he responded, opening his lips and searching into her mouth, his excitement rising as he slowly pulled his hand at her waist, and pressed her body against his. Rey surprised herself, and reached back with equal force, causing him to take a sharp breath of surprise before he lifted her from the floor and placed her rump on the holochess table. He moved his hips between her legs, and reached up with his left hand to run his fingers through her hair. 

As it tumbled loose, Rey twined her arms around him, moving both palms across his wide back and down his spine towards his hips. Pulling him further towards her, she looked into his eyes and realised she didn’t need to speak. The bond between them was just as it had been that time on the Throne Room. He knew where he needed to be for her, and why. 

_ He’s right, _ she thought.  _ We have to move on, together. Accept the past, and build something new.  _

His eyes heavy with intent, he started to pull at her clothes, but a glance from her stopped him. Without missing a beat, he instead picked her up and walked them both around the corner to her quarters. Once a triple bunk affair, she’d adapted her room into something that resembled comfort, and now had a comfortable double bunk. 

_ I’m going to fuck an Emperor, _ she thought, suddenly, and then felt the warm heat of shame at the thrill that thought elicited. He smiled, imperceptibly, as he threw her gently onto the waiting bed and started to pull at his tunic. 

Another look from her stopped him, and instead she pulled him towards her, and started to strip him herself. His lips opened as he watched her unfasten and peel the tunic from his body, revealing a black undershirt. She snaked a hand underneath it, and felt for the first time that taught, muscled torso she had first glimpsed those months ago on Acht-To. Hungrily, she pulled the shirt from his body, so she could see it for herself. 

The scar she had inflicted on him had paled from pink to silver, but it still remained, snaking down the side of his face, down his neck and across his collarbone. Up close however she saw that it was one of many scars that he bore. One at his waist, was clearly from the bowcaster blast Chewie had scored, and another she didn’t recognise at his shoulder. 

But beyond those scars, she saw so many, many more. Small lichtenberg figures snaked across his shoulders and chest, and she realised with a wave of sadness that these were the results of years of Force lightning reprimands. Snoke. 

He looked at her sharply, and shook his head.  _ Not the time.  _ Then he reached and started to unwrap the linen gauze she wore on her arms, gently pulling them from her as if they were long gloves and she was a princess at a dance. As he did so, she started to run her fingers through his long, black hair, just as she had wanted to that time on Acht-To when Luke had stumbled upon them. Now dry, it felt soft and silky to touch, and smelt of smoke and leather. She pulled his head towards him, and breathed in his scent. 

He pushed her gently back onto the bed, and slowly moved himself over her, one arm keeping himself from pressing onto her, and the other starting to work at her breeches. She pulled her legs up, helping him to strip them from her, and also pushing off her shoes. 

Appreciatively, he placed a hand on one of her slim calves, and slowly drew his fingers up over her knee and across her supple thigh, bringing them to rest on her belly. He started to breathe heavily again, and she felt his desire for her start to overwhelm him as he moved again to kiss her, moving the heel of his hand to her pubic bone and his fingers between her legs. 

She gasped, and his mouth became more urgent. She could almost feel the black hole within him opening to her, willing her to help him fill its emptiness. She pulled her legs up around him just as she moved a hand down, and started to unfasten his leathers. He wriggled them off, just as he managed to pull away her shirt. He rolled alongside her, pulling him to her, and reach up a hand to cup her breast.

_ Come to me,  _ she heard him say, and her eyes locked into his. They both now lay naked before each other, his skin pale and silvery against her own golden skin, tanned by years of Jakku sun. 

Rey had been with men before, but she had never seen anyone look quite so beautiful as he. Despite his scars, he looked  _ alive _ , his skin glowing just as she had seen pearls do, hidden within the clams on the shores of Acht-To. 

He pulled her towards him, and then above him, seating her across his hips. As she came to rest she became aware for the first time just how hard he was beneath her. She shivered with excitement, and moved herself to lower herself onto him. Into him. 

He opened his mouth and rolled back his eyes, as she had seen men lost in the sands of Jakku do, on stumbling upon an oasis. He immediately started to push his hips against her, but too quickly. A thought from her slowed him down, and he moved his eyes back to hers again as she found her pace. She was hungry for him, and he for her, but she wanted to take a moment to enjoy their togetherness before reaching for an end. 

Both his hands now moved to her breasts, circling them and then pulling her down closer to him, so he could reach them with his lips. 

When it was time, at her signal, he rolled them both over, so she could feel his weight upon her. Wordlessly, and started to push further into her, lowering his head down and breathing into her neck as he moved his right hand down to grip her buttock. He pushed her against him, going deeper still, his muscles tensing at the effort as he picked up the pace. 

Ever intense, he made no noise, but she could feel his emotions roiling above her, and slowly felt herself meld into him as they became one. She closed her eyes. The Force enveloped them. She could feel its tendrils snaking across her back, and his, as it tied them together. She gasped as she felt the sensation of falling, but falling into a place of safety, and of belonging. Tears pricked at her eyes. 

At the same time she felt a heat start to build within her lower belly, and expand out down her legs and up into her chest. She cried out his name as she felt the heat slowly reach her fingers and toes, and become less of a warmth, and more of a sense of pins and needles. Her senses were on fire. Instinctively, she bared her teeth and raked them gently across the nape of his neck. He shuddered, and letting himself go started to fuck her harder now, as he began to press for a release. 

Rey had never ridden a fathier, or any of the other wild creatures she next existed on this galaxy. But she imaged the excitement and freedom she felt was just as she was feeling now, as she rode on the back of something new in the Force, created by her and Ben Solo. Because it was Ben, she realised, she was reaching now, her emotions melding to his own.

And it was Ben Solo who she could hear somewhere, crying out as he started to cascade into himself. Similarly, she felt herself start to peak, and rolled her eyes back, letting herself fall into the crashing waves that surged through her body. 

Afterwards, they lay and looked up at the ceiling. 

“I’m glad you chose to take up Chewie’s old room,” he said, after a moment. “Not sure I could have done that in my father’s bedroom.”

She looked across at him, and saw a glimpse of a sad smile on his pale, drawn face. 

“We’d better get back,” she replied. 

He rolled towards her, his large arms wrapping her into his chest. “Not yet.”

 


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe unearths some new evidence about Kylo, which throws everything in to doubt. 
> 
> Rey's news makes things even more fragile, leaving her with no option but to leave.

Rey remembered now the happiness she had felt in those two short hours they’d spent together. The second time had been slower, but no less intense. It was as if a lock had found a key. 

Every time he touched her, it was is if he was soothing some pain away that she hadn’t known was there, something so vulnerable and sensitive she hadn’t been able to recognise it even in herself. She knew she was doing the same to him. 

By the time they landed back on Naboo’s surface, he seemed to be standing taller, and his emotions were calmer than she had ever sensed. 

They’d agreed not to mention the start of - whatever _this_ was - to anyone for the time being. “It’s too soon,” she said as she kissed him that last time. “They’re not ready. I’m not sure I am.”

He’d nodded, but looked back at her with a serious expression.

“Rey,” he said. “Please just remember what happened today. A lot of things are going to be said… before I can be with your again. Some of them will be wrong. Some right. But please remember - this.” He placed a hand on his heart, and then moved it to hers. “ _It can never be like this for me, with anyone else._ ”

And then the ramp had lowered, and all hell had broken loose.

Poe had stood before them both, his laser pistol aimed squarely at Ben’s chest.

“Rey,” Poe had snarled, emanating both rage and fear in equal measure, “Move away from him, right now.”

Next to Poe, the female Knight - Mara - was held in shackles, between a glum looking Finn and outraged Rose. Behind them, a small crowd had formed. Their faces were masks of anger, disappointment and pain. 

Mara immediately locked her eyes into her Emperor’s. She blinked, and nodded. Something had passed between them, but Rey wasn’t sure what.

“Liar!!” yelled Poe, and squeezed the trigger. 

“Poe….!” Rey screamed.

Instantaneously, Kylo reached for his lightsaber. It flew towards him, reaching his hand just in time for him to block the shot. But his efforts were surplus to requirements. 

Rey held up her hand, and held the blast in mid air, her eyes staring furiously at Poe. 

For a moment, no-one moved. Then Kylo then flicked the air with his left hand, releasing his Knight from her binds, and then moved his hand upwards. As he did so, both himself and his Mara lifted gracefully into the air. 

Rey watched, open mouthed. She let the blast go, and it bounced harmlessly off the Falcon’s hull.

Kylo floated momentarily above Rey, and looked back towards her. He narrowed his eyes, willing her it seemed to understand something she couldn’t fathom. But she could feel, suddenly, a keen sense of betrayal burning within him. And there....glowing in his eyes. Anger.

She felt the fear rise in her chest.  _ Don’t.  _

He looked at her one last time, and then threw his fist down, effectively throwing both himself and his Knight into the nearby command shuttle. They both scrambled within, the ramp closing behind them.

‘Get after him, now!” yelled Poe, as the command shuttle engines roared into life. Poe started to run towards his fighter.

Rey ran up to a stunned looking Finn, and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Finn. Finn!” she yelled, shaking him as she shook his head, sadly. “What’s happening? Why is Poe doing this?”

Finn looked up at Rey, and reached out a hand to grab hers.

“I’m so sorry, Rey,” he said. “I know you wanted to believe him. I think we all did…. well perhaps not Poe….but we got news while you were gone. It’s all lies. He’s not changed at all. And we have the proof.”

Rey started to move away, but Finn caught her arm. “Rey… this is serious. You should have let him die.”

* * *

Later on, she had sat watching the same reels they’d all seen moments before. The evidence was damning. Here, it appeared, was a planet recently invaded by the Empire. An empty planet once, but now filled with rows upon rows of wire and hangars, production lines and fires, filth and noise, chains and gaolers… and pain and sorrow. Amongst those rows, cowered thousands of creatures, thousands of people, starving and beaten, clearly enslaved to do the Empire’s bidding.

“Where did you get this?” she asked, her voice trembling. “Because it can’t be real.”

“It came in just before you got back,” said Finn. “And then we weren’t sure he was going to bring you back…..and I was terrified.” He reached for a hand, and squeezed.

“One of their captives escaped,” explained Poe. She took some recordings, before she left.. Of this place.” His voice was thick with disgust, and sorrow. 

“I don’t believe it,” said Rey. “I looked into his eyes. He was telling the truth.”

“Perhaps in his own mind, he is,” said Poe. “I think he’s sicker than we know.”

He turned to her suddenly, appealing to her. “Rey. This girl - Arta -  is the real deal. She was captive there. Its an Empire concentration camp, Rey. One of apparently hundreds in the Unknown Region… ...and its how the Empire can afford to work with planets like Cerbera. Its creating technology and resources using slaves. It’s just the same story, but dressed up in politics. I’m not sure I could be even more disgusted. At least Snoke didn’t pretend not to be an evil son of a bitch. This one however.  _ This one _ ….”

Rey lowered her head into her hands, and started to cry. 

* * *

That had been eight weeks ago to the day. Since then, she had watched the video repeatedly. She’d interviewed Arta, looking for any evidence at all that what she was seeing was somehow a lie.

But she couldn’t. There was no chink of light. The camps existed. Poe was right.

She had been tricked by the most manipulative man she had ever met in her life. Tricked into believing him, tricked in caring for him, tricked into accepting him into her body. And now? Did he also intend this? For her to carry his children?

_ He learnt from the very best, I suppose. From Snoke. _

She pulled herself towards her bedroom sink, and threw up.

* * *

Rey had always supposed that being pregnant would be a bothersome thing to have to cope with. She’d always longed for a family herself, so giving up this child was out of the question no matter its conception -  but she was surprised by the effect her growing form was having on how Force abilities.

She’d expected to feel felt tired. She’d expected to feel sick. And on some days, she did. But on just as many if not more, she felt as if the Force not only existed around her, but that it existed within her. She had never felt so potentially powerful. 

But she had also never felt so broken. And although she knew she now had more juice to wield than ever - almost as if she carried two batteries, not two creations - she also had less heart to wield it. They were the best and worst things she had ever experienced in the Force. 

It was compounded of course by the fact she couldn’t hide it. If it had been a single child, perhaps she could have hidden her growing belly for a little longer. But with two came double the demand on her body, and soon, double the size. By three months in, it was impossible to hide. 

Poe had been beyond furious, because he had been heartbroken. She had always suspected he had hoped to one day win her heart. And perhaps, in another life, he could have. He was handsome, caring, driven. But not at this time, and in this life. Knowing she carried another man’s child weighed hard on him, let alone a man he despised. 

She had hoped to have kept Kylo’s involvement hidden, and passed it off as a drunken mistake. But Poe and Finn weren’t fools - and both had rudimentary mathematics. They both had very different feelings about it, however. 

“I’m so sorry he lied,” was all that Finn could say. “I’m so, so sorry.” Rey was so thankful her friend could see beyond this own feelings, and reach out to her pain and disappointment.

Poe on the other hand, reacted as expected, as if somehow he had  _ owned _ a part of her. It took weeks for him to accept that Kylo hadn’t forced himself on her, to the point it was almost what he preferred to believe despite the fact her equal Force abilities made it close to impossible. Then, on finally accepting the truth, he became overwhelmed with disgust and disappointment. “I don’t understand - how you could do that? He  _ killed _ his own father. He  _ tortured _ me. I….need to think. This changes… everything.”

Only Rose could see beyond them both, however. “Whatever happened to get us here, the truth is that you have two little people in there who are totally innocent, and who need our help.” she said. “ _ Twins, _ ” she added, with equal joy and sadness. 

Meanwhile, everything and nothing had changed.

The Resistance, or Rebellion, were still at war with the Empire. Thus it had ever been so. But what was different was that the Empire was now breaking apart.

It turned out that a good proportion of the Emperor’s own people had started to believe his lies too. His Stormtroopers had started to enjoy the work allowed them on Cerbera, and the many other planets they had since signed Treaties with. Turned out that they were tired of war too.

Incredibly, news started to leak in that many units had started to pull away from their Emperor, and with them their former leader, Hux. even more incredibly, Hux himself then offered an olive branch to the Resistance, also pleading his own ignorance of Kylo Ren’s secret slave camps, and his personal oath to continue supporting some of the galaxy’s most deserving planets….

Dreadnoughts sided against each other, and troops likewise. Predictably, Kylo Ren’s Knights stayed loyal. But then the skies started to glow. Hux and Kylo had gone to war….

Rey watched the intelligence come in and felt something pull at the back of her mind. 

Something about this, she realised, _wasn’t quite right._

She paced towards Poe’s quarters in the _Nautilus_ , her face set in a mask of determination. She was still bruised inside, and her heart was as heavy as her growing belly, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow they were all still in the shadows. That someone, somewhere, was pulling the strings... 

“Hux is a snake,” she said, upon finding not just Poe, but also Finn and Rose in Poe’s cramped quarters. “We know this, and Rose and Finn best of all. An insane, murderous snake who has never shown any interest whatsoever in anything beyond crushing everything before him. And we’re expected to believe he can change? That he wants to work with us? That  _ he’s  _ the real Emperor who wants to stop the war?”

“Rey, I know this is hard to believe, but the evidence is clear. It’s impossible for Kylo Ren not to have known about those planets,” said Finn.

“Any more impossible that Hux to have been ignorant of the same thing?” she asked. Rose looked uncertain, but Poe just shook his head. 

“Is it any more impossible to think Hux might have changed? Or is it just raven haired Skywalker Princes that get your vote?” he spat. Finn looked at Poe, with a mixture of sympathy and reproach. 

Shocked at his reaction, she ran from the room, her eyes streaming with tears.

Not for the first time, Rey wandered the _Nautilus’_ corridors, wondering if she should reach out to Kylo himself. But she’d been so convinced by him, so giving - she was afraid now that she would believe anything he said because she desired it so much.

_ “It can never be like this for me, with anyone else.” _

He had said those words. And she had believed it, and finally welcomed it. She had opened herself to accept him, despite his past, and to... love him? - and now she was broken.  _ It was all a terrible mistake.  _

Of course, he had tried to reach out to her. She lay awake one evening, trying to ignore the flutterings inside her as much as she did the activity going on around the Falcon. This was activity she was no longer welcome to join, thanks to Poe’s distrust. Her own people, once her greatest supporters, now seemed almost afraid of her. 

Suddenly, she felt the air suck from the room, and a familiar energy start to appear out of the corner of her eye, near to her quarter’s doors.

She sprang to her feet, consumed not just by fear of what may happen should he sense her pregnancy, but also a deep rage at the situation she found herself in. Thanks to Kylo, she was  _ alone _ again. 

She immediately threw her hand towards the doors, sending arcs of blood-red lightning towards it. The presence disappeared. Rey looked at her hand in shock and surprise, and then the melted remnants of her quarter’s doors. She burst into tears.

_ Was this her? Or the minds she carried within her? _

“I have to get away,” she said out loud, to no-one in particular.

As she started towards her cockpit, she knew on some level she should take Chewie with her. He was out there somewhere, on the Nautilus, enjoying the company of others. He deserved it: he'd been through so much. But although she knew he, perhaps only he, would understand.....she knew it was unfair to take him on a voyage that was hers and hers alone. 

She also knew she should say goodbye, especially to Finn. But the parting was more that she could bear, at the present time.  _ He’ll understand. I hope. _

Rey flicked a switch, and the engines roared into life. Moments later, she was moving out into space, free, and alone - save for the quickening within. 

She set her coordinates to the only other ship she thought might welcome her right now. 

Maz Kantana’s.

 


End file.
